There is a scene near the end of the movie Chinatown where the morally bankrupt millionaire Noah Cross (John Huston) tells private eye Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) that deep down inside, most people are capable of some pretty rotten things.
Your Monkey is not quite as corrupt as old Noah Cross.
But he had a similar revelation recently after he took a long hard look at himself and discovered that he’s not just bad at writing cover letters, but downright terrible at it.
Of all the cruel ironies in a world filled with cruelty and irony!
To be a writer who can’t write a cover letter must be the worst of all.
Sure, your Monkey is OK at writing other things, but when it comes to cover letters, it is a jumbled mess of run on sentences, warmed-over cliches, and half-baked ideas that don’t speak at all to the specifics of the job or his personal accomplishments. No wonder human resources types are nauseated by his every entreaty.
How is anyone supposed to give this Monkey a chance when his first foot forward is a horribly awkward one?
A writer who can’t write a cover letter is like a dentist with a mouth full of fillings, a personal trainer who smokes, or a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood.
It just doesn’t work.
And thus, sadly, neither will this Monkey. At least not at any job he has to write a cover letter for.