Shameless self indulgence, Writing

Even More “I’d Rather Be…” Bumper Stickers I’d Like To Make

Your humble Monkey spends a hell of a lot of time driving these days. A two-hour, traffic-snarled commute to work each morning followed by an hour-long commute back home gives him lots of time to think.

And lots of time to stare at the back of other people’s cars, where theĀ  bumper stickers and stick figure families become one of his few sources of entertainment during the endless grind back and forth.

One of your Monkey’s favorite type of bumper sticker is the “I’d Rather Be..” sticker. You know the ones–

  • “I’d rather be…surfing.”
  • “I’d rather be knitting”
  • “I’d rather rooting for Alabama football.”

Those are all well and good, but what about individuals like your humble Monkey who have their own set of hobbies and beliefs?

Who is making bumper stickers for them?

To that end, here are some of the “I’d Rather Be…” Bumper Stickers that your Monkey would make if he ran his own printing press.

I’d rather be….

  • Sleeping in late
  • Working from home
  • Double checking the locks
  • Avoiding the phone and shredding the mail
  • Seeking professional treatment for agoraphobia

I’d rather be….

  • Playing with my kids
  • On a family vacation
  • The world’s second greatest dad (#1 is a lot to live up to! LOL)
  • Creating unrealistic expectations for my son
  • Throwing a tantrum at a Little League game
  • Fist-fighting Connor’s dad in the parking lot
  • Cleared of all manslaughter charges

I’d rather be…

  • Donating to a charity in your name (with your money, too!)
  • Asking you to sponsor my fun run
  • Begging you for a loan
  • Declaring bankrupcty
  • Financially solvent

I’d rather be….

  • Back on my honeymoon
  • A newlywed forever
  • Still married
  • A winner in the divorce settlement
  • Comfortable with the female touch
  • A postmature ejaculator
  • Anything but so terribly alone