Subject Name: Arnold Zimmerman
Weight: 160 lbs
Project Objectives: To keep suspect in continuous state of dread and unease. To convince subject that the world is out to get him, but to provide no solid proof. To counterbalance small victories with major defeats.
Memo: May 25
Bonuses were handed out to all members of the Committee for Housing Insecurity this morning after a subject A signed the lease on a particularly ill-advised studio apartment in a bad part of town.
Subcommittee members gleefully report that building is plagued by terrible smells, criminal individuals, and a general lack of respect for personal space and privacy. Tentative plans call for smoking, shouting and drinking go on at all hours of the night, and numerous attempts will be made to break in to subject’s apartment through the rear windows.
Memo: July 1
This is the fourth straight day of temperatures in the mid-90s and subject appears to be maintaining sanity.
The excess heat has caused him to sweat through his shirts at work, leaving unsightly wet patches, and it has made him feel nauseous and winded when walking outside. However, the anticipated suffering does not meet our second quarter expectations.
The Subcommittee on Climate Inconvenience believes it may be time to up the pressure by short-circuiting subject’s air conditioner or hiding rotten food somewhere in his apartment.
Also, subliminal whispering will be employed at night to encourage subject to worry constantly about global warming, and to believe that his apartment is likely to catch on fire while he is at work.
Memo: August 23
The Subcommittee on Career Control reported in today that subject A has accepted a new position that is going to pay him substantially more than his previous job.
The subcommittee chairman has alerted the executive committee about a troubling new sense of peace and well being in subject A, as subject now believes that his financial worries have been resolved.
Accordingly the subcommittee will begin cost inflation adjustment accordingly to restore subject to state of constant worry.
Other financial adjustment tactics will include forcing subject to pay several hundred dollars to repair timing belt in car, sending subject on a series of expensive but ultimately unproductive dates with women who are too attractive for him, and increasing the finance charges on subject’s credit card without any notice.
Memo: September 5
The Subcommittee on Sexual Response reported in today that Subject A has taken tentative steps toward starting a new sexual relationship, which has him feeling pretty good about his appearance and desirability.
Initiating Tactical Response Plan 1B, in which subject will suddenly be seized by a crippling fear of unplanned pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted disease.
Memo: November 13
General status report meeting of all subcommittees and stakeholders involved in Project A indicates that subject A has reached generally desirable levels of fear, anxiety, uncertainty and self-doubt.
High fives were exchanged all around the boardroom, and plans for the company party were discussed.
Just a reminder that frozen turkeys will be distributed next Friday following the weekly ice cream social.
Memo: December 9
Annual performance reviews are due at the end of the week.
Anyone who has been implicated in any of Subject A’s goal achievements over the past year (the new job, decision to seek therapy, the attempt to maintain a more positive life outlook) will be expected to present a full accounting of their failures.
Those with two or more lapses in oversight on their work record will be asked to report to corporate headquarters for additional “re-training.”
Memo: December 20
The final touches on next year’s strategic plan were approved by the Board of Trustees prior to the long holiday break.
Among the initiatives for the coming fiscal year will be to have have subject’s car stolen just as he has accumulated enough money for a down payment on a house, and to have subject believe that friends and family secretly dislike him.
Other long term strategic plans include an increase in male pattern baldness and early onset erectile dysfunction.
Have a great holiday season everyone!